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Grammar jokes for English class
AUGUST 3, 2013 1 COMMENT
Know any good English grammar jokes? We do! Here are some of our favorites.
Tense jokes:
7 ate 9
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
Because seven ate nine!
What happened when the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar?
It was tense!
It was tense!
Subject-verb agreement joke:
The teacher asked Pepito to use the word “I” in a sentence.
Pepito said, “I is–”
“Don’t say ‘I is,’ say ‘I am,’” the teacher corrected.
“If you say so,” Pepito replied. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
The teacher asked Pepito to use the word “I” in a sentence.
Pepito said, “I is–”
“Don’t say ‘I is,’ say ‘I am,’” the teacher corrected.
“If you say so,” Pepito replied. “I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.”
Parts of speech jokes:
What’s another name for Santa’s elves?
Subordinate clauses!
What’s another name for Santa’s elves?
Subordinate clauses!
A noun meets a verb at a bar. The verb sidles up to the noun and says, “Heeeeyyy, wanna go back to my place and conjugate?” The noun replies, “I decline.”
What kind of word should you invite to a fancy tea party?
A proper noun.
A proper noun.
Why did the pregnant woman yell “Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Shouldn’t!” when she was in labor?
She was having contractions.
She was having contractions.
Pepito wasn’t paying attention in class. “Pepito!” the teacher said sharply. “Name two pronouns.”
Pepito said, “Who, me?”
Pepito said, “Who, me?”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
It’s to whom!
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
It’s to whom!
(Really. See an explanation of who vs whom here.)
Punctuation jokes:
The adventures of the comma
Why did the comma break up with the apostrophe?
Because it was too possessive.
Because it was too possessive.
Why did the comma break up with the question mark?
Because it questioned everything.
Because it questioned everything.
Why did the comma break up with the exclamation point?
It was always yelling!
It was always yelling!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the ends of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
A cat has claws at the ends of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
A panda bear walked into a bar and ordered a sandwich. When he was done eating the sandwich, he pulled out a gun and shot the bartender. The other patrons in the bar were shocked. “Why did you do that?” they asked. The panda walked toward the exit, yelled “look it up!” over his shoulder, and left.
The patrons pulled out their phones and looked up panda bears on the internet. The description said “eats, shoots, and leaves.”
The patrons pulled out their phones and looked up panda bears on the internet. The description said “eats, shoots, and leaves.”
The teacher asked Pepito to use the word “hyphenated” in a sentence.
Pepito said, “There used to be a space between these two words, but there isn’t anymore because a hyphen ate it.”
Pepito said, “There used to be a space between these two words, but there isn’t anymore because a hyphen ate it.”
While we’re on the subject, here are some sentences in which proper punctuation is vital:
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A woman, without her man, is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
A woman: without her, man is nothing.
Let’s eat, Grandma.
Let’s eat Grandma!
Let’s eat Grandma!
Private. No visitors allowed.
Private? No! Visitors allowed.
Private? No! Visitors allowed.
Some people enjoy cooking, their families, and their dogs.
Some people enjoy cooking their families and their dogs.
Some people enjoy cooking their families and their dogs.
Spelling jokes:
What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add letters to it?
Short.
What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add letters to it?
Short.
I’m thinking of a five-letter word that, when you take away two letters, you are left with just one. What word is it?
Alone.
Alone.
What’s the longest word in the English language?
Smiles. It has a mile between the first letter and the last letter.
Smiles. It has a mile between the first letter and the last letter.
Puns:
RG was a fan of puns. One day he noticed that his favorite magazine was having a bad pun contest. He was so excited, he picked ten of his favorite bad puns and sent them in to the contest. When he got the next issue of his favorite magazine, he looked to see which of his puns won.
What happened?
No pun intended!
RG was a fan of puns. One day he noticed that his favorite magazine was having a bad pun contest. He was so excited, he picked ten of his favorite bad puns and sent them in to the contest. When he got the next issue of his favorite magazine, he looked to see which of his puns won.
What happened?
No pun intended!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had no body to go with.
Because he had no body to go with.
What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?
Expla-nation
Expla-nation
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