Office Outsider: Angry Bosses and the Role of Drinking Parties

Tony Clavelli

Living and working in South Korea has become increasingly popular among non-Koreans in recent years. In a column for Korea Real Time that will appear twice each month, an American woman working at a mid-sized Korean company writes about her experiences. Following is the third edition. Read her previous columns here and here.

With 2014 drawing to a close, stress is high at my office as everyone scrambles to meet annual targets before the year ends. The other day I was chatting with a coworker in the break room, and I must have laughed a little too loudly. He sheepishly told me to quiet down, explaining that his boss said we shouldn’t be joking around in the office when sales are down.

I was shocked, and a little embarrassed. Moments earlier I had walked past his boss and greeted him cheerfully while grinning like a fool. I had never realized that my mood at work should reflect current business conditions. During my time in the U.S., I learned general rules of workplace conduct, which include being calm, polite, and not getting worked up or emotional. To me, this constitutes being professional, and is especially important for those in leadership roles.

Until recently, it had not occurred to me that standards of professionalism differ in my current work environment. Actually, I think there are many similarities–I often observe colleagues staying cool under pressure–but there are also competing paradigms. By setting aside my preconceptions, and trying to discern the various motivations that might dictate my colleagues’ actions, I believe I have gained a deeper understanding of Korean workplace culture.

One pattern of behavior among my colleagues, especially those in management positions, that seems unprofessional is abrasiveness towards other staff. The aforementioned manager and his kind irritably stomp around the office, communicating with subordinates in a gruff and sometimes rude manner. I frequently receive passive-aggressive emails from one histrionic boss, complete with informal speech and excessive use of question and exclamation marks. Usually, from what I can tell, there is nothing seriously wrong, yet these guys routinely act as though their careers are ending.

Yet outside the office, their behavior changes completely. I’m referring to office dinner outings known as “hoesik” (pronounced “hwayshik”). While it depends on the company, and even within my company it varies significantly among departments and teams, most of my colleagues can expect to go out with their boss and coworkers at least once a week.

Once at a restaurant, the brooding team manager is suddenly cheerful. The assistant manager who spent the day berating a poor freshman is now proclaiming his friendship. While I have managed to avoid too much criticism, the only time I receive positive feedback from my superiors is in this setting. One manager told me over grilled pork and soju that he wished he could talk to me and other employees more at work, but he’s always too busy “being a boss.”

I didn’t understand this and it struck me as a bit insincere. But I see now that while American corporate culture prioritizes self-control, Korean corporate culture seems to value emotional investment in the job. I don’t think my colleagues are pretending or faking their reactions at work, but I do think they intentionally let themselves get caught up in the twists and turns of business. In a way these melodramatic managers are just showing their dedication.

This is where the evening gatherings help. I believe that these informal outings allow bosses to be their normal, kind selves around other employees. If managers habitually treated their subordinates like dirt with no opportunity for resolution, eventually the anger and resentment would grow to the point of hindering productivity. But the post-work parties let employees connect on a personal level, allowing them to overlook the offenses that occur during work hours.

For example, when I complain or question my colleagues about the boss who writes rude emails, they respond with nothing but understanding. After spending years working with him and going out for countless rounds of food, drinks, and other fun after work, they know who he really is, and can easily overlook the flaws of his workplace persona.

My problem, however, is that he is stationed at one of the company’s offices overseas. Even though I communicate with him almost every day by email or phone, I never have the chance to see him outside of work. But I have realized that much of what he does that offends me is just part of the act. And I’m sure if we do meet one day over dinner, we would quickly start to build a more friendly relationship.

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